The Intersectionality of Money, Gender and Patriarchy
In 2020 a woman on Twitter shared that she was the sole breadwinner in her marriage but was shutting down her successful company that employed 15 people, because her UNEMPLOYED husband wanted her to, because he didn't feel like he could look after their toddler.
Even typing this out now still upsets me because honestly: WTF?!
The truth is that patriarchy teaches women to dim their light for men from a young age.
It forces us to take unnecessary vows of invisibility, in order to get love.
We just don't see it because it's not at such a big level as shutting down a company and it’s not so glaringly connected to money.
But how many women turn down career and financial growth opportunities for their husbands?
Patriarchy isn’t just systematically oppressive, it’s also emotionally, financially and spiritually violent and it is very personal.
It's in the way we are trained to think as women. The way we are trained to view our own expansion and how we are taught to shrink ourselves for men in our lives so we can remain married and we call it being a "good wife" or "submissive."
I am often asked the following question by women:
"If I do your course and my finances improve and I become this awesome person, can you guarantee that my husband/boyfriend won't leave me?"
I get variations of this question at least once a month and every time I contemplate the undertones of it.
Because they’re not questioning the value of the course but questioning patriarchy.
In all my years of coaching and running the #MoneyMagic course no man (straight or gay) has ever asked me this question.
Why is it that men in the course are not worried that their success may cost them their marriage?
I think this says a lot about the intersectionality of money and gender:
1. Men are encouraged to be their greatest selves. Women are taught to celebrate men's greatness and support it
2. Women are taught to look after his pride - don't make him feel like you earn more or are more successful, which sometimes translates to most women dimming themselves and holding themselves back if it looks like they will outshine him
3. This is a form of invisibility. It's possible to be visible but to be invisible all at once - when we show only half our skill set and hold back the fullness of our being from the world, it's a form of invisibility and I would even call it a betrayal to our souls
4. The belief that women's success intimidates men is the cornerstone of patriarchy because it makes women feel like they have to choose between being true to their souls and being loved or married. It turns love and marriage into a weapon. There's something fundamentally wrong with that
5. The evolution of your soul is between you and you and between you and God, whatever you consider him/her/ it to be
6. Patriarchy is destructive to both men and women. So much energy is expended to get women to contract their greatness. What if men used that same amount of energy to figure out how to expand and grow financially?
What if we taught men that it's not a woman's job to look after their pride and make them feel better about themselves? What if we taught men to heal themselves and own their healing journeys before getting into relationships?
