The Fear of Financial Expansion and Being Seen as Expanding
I grew up in a family where I saw my mom be told that she thought she was better than everyone for having money.
I saw my mom literally meltdown, sabotage and give all her money to my uncle because she wanted him to like her and for him to take care of us.
I saw my mom shouting and screaming at her family about how they were using her for money and saw everyone else in the family shout and scream at her that all she cared about was money.
And sometimes things got out of hand and there was violence involved - physical violence or violence that involved the breaking of property.
And this happened often, so you can imagine how scared 8 year old or 14 year old me was.
And you can understand the fear I carry around expansion in my body.
I saw how when my uncle would expand and buy new furniture for his house and how his younger brother would get jealous, take all the furniture and go sell it.
And I saw how my beloved grandmother would intervene and ask my older uncle to forgive my younger uncle every time this happened, which was a lot.
I saw a lot of violence around financial expansion and the conclusion I drew was: financial expansion is scary AF and people can't handle it if you expand financially.
I learned to protect myself by shrinking myself and making myself small
My natural instinct when it comes to money, especially having money in the bank or making money is to run as far and as fast as possible.
And I did this for years and I prayed that somehow if I worked hard enough and did enough affirmations, my money situation would change and my relationship with money would change.
I didn't understand that trauma is not just mental but physical.
Trauma is an event or an experience that we were unable to process or integrate when it happened and so gets stored in the body and it keeps us in a loop and changes our behavior, so we react in a certain manner every time we are triggered.
As a kid I had no tools or to integrate the physical, verbal or emotional violence around me that related to money so I stored it in my body.
And I developed trauma based responses that I believed kept me safe - I learned to protect myself by shrinking and playing small especially around money, which played out financially as:
✴️ Being unable to have more than a certain amount of money in my bank account
✴️ Getting rid of money as fast as I made it
✴️ Manifesting crazy money emergencies whenever I went beyond a certain income or savings level which made it hard to invest and create extra streams of income
✴️ Being unable to go beyond a certain income level in my business, which made it hard to invest and explore different business ventures
✴️ Having NO financial boundaries and not being able to set them because it was safe for people to see me as a giver
✴️ A deep fear of sharing my financial victories because I was scared people would react violently
✴️ Only connecting to friends and family from a point of financial struggle and getting rid of money so I could connect with them from this point
✴️ Feeling like I can't expand beyond my family and friends or be different from them, instead of honoring what my soul wanted
Trauma doesn't have to be a huge event, it can be something as "small" as having siblings or friends that were unable to celebrate our successes and we didn't know how to process this so we learned to play small to get their love.
There is a part of me that still feels that money is synonymous with violence and represents danger. I carry some of this trauma in my body and every time I expand financially or share my financial expansion, I can feel the uneasiness and how unsafe it feels to be in my body and I do the work so I can keep expanding.
Money trauma is layered and it’s not a once off healing event; we work through it in real time with our finances with every up level
One of the things that people see is me launching a podcast, sharing my stories and my work on videos and text on social media or traditional media.
But what people don’t see (the #MoneyMagic students get to see this) is me being super scared to share the good things in my life and business because I'm scared of the backlash.
Most of us are under the impression that we need to wait to be perfect before we can change our finances and grow our businesses.
The truth is the healing and the growth happen in tandem, especially if we have the tools to do so.
In the past, before I started focusing on the inner work, I would have stayed frozen, gotten writer's/ podcaster’s block, been unable to express myself and then posted the post.
I know this because I did it all the time with everything in my business. I couldn't execute on any idea that related to money‼️
Every expansion and every up level brings up another layer of trauma and when we ignore it, the expansion can create drama and we find ourselves sabotaging, getting rid of money, ruining relationships etc.
And worse - for some of us, we have clear ideas and strategies on how to expand, but find it super hard to execute these ideas, not because we aren't smart, but because we're scared and we think we lack courage or money smarts, which isn't true at all.
If you are done:
♦️ Being scared of what people will say and how they will respond when they find out the truth about your finances
♦️ Playing small and shrinking yourself
♦️ Working hard but not seeing the financial results of your work
♦️ Always ending up at the same financial point no matter what you do
♦️ Not being able to set clear financial boundaries
♦️ Having brilliant money ideas you cannot execute
Then I invite you check out and register for the Money Magic course at this link: wealthy-money.com/moneymagic
