The Link Between Vicarious Trauma, Abuse and Vows of Loyalty
One day we’ll have to sit down for a full day and unpack vicarious trauma and how most children who grow up seeing mothers being abused by fathers, fathers being abused by mothers or parents being abused by other family members financially, emotionally, mentally and physically grow up with deep vows of loyalty to the parent (s) who were abused.
Ask me how I know and how this has played out in my finances and in my clients' finances and lives?
[I watched my mom be financially, physically, emotionally and verbally abused by her family and I saw her be emotionally, physically and verbally abusive towards them. And of course I experienced various forms of abuse from all of them growing up.]
On the surface a vow of loyalty to the abused parent seems like a non issue because we’re being loyal to the person who is going through the most.
It may even feel just or right.
Vows, in general, are problematic because they often have to be healed in the spiritual plane
When we make vows, they’re registered in the spiritual and akashic plane and the soul is thorough - it's loyal to everything, not just a few things.
For example: Let's say the abused parent, that you’re loyal to, was not able to make their own money, was financially dependent on the abuser, was unable to spend on themselves and was robbed of their voice, then you may find yourself repeating their money cycle of financial dependence and the inability to look after yourself.
You may even find yourself unable to voice your thoughts and opinions and in situations where you’re constantly robbed of your voice.
And when we try to become financially dependent and make more money, we may actually feel guilty and feel a weird sense of betrayal that we can't place.
No matter how hard we try to break the money cycle!
When it comes to relationships, we may experience aspects of the cycle of abuse that the abused parent experienced.
Most kids may vocally and mentally vow never to be physically abused, so they won't be physically abused, but they may experience other aspects of abuse like verbal abuse, emotional abuse and silent treatment.
Or maybe they get into a financially abusive relationship - the man doesn't beat them or emotionally abuse them, but they are financially abused and find themselves giving and giving financially and getting very little in return.
Or maybe you saw the other parent being cheated on, so you experience cheating. In this case you experience abuse in the form of constant boundaries and health violations in a relationship.
The soul has sworn a vow of loyalty, so it experiences the abuse in some way. This is the vow of loyalty at play.
Vows are tricky because they are soul and spiritual things, so even when we tell ourselves not to be something or we try to affirm things away, it doesn't necessarily clear the vow and we can find ourselves attracting the same situation.
Most of us who have experienced vicarious trauma are loyal to the behaviors, reactions, financial traits, relationship ways etc., of the abused parent/family member.
How unhealthy coping cycles get passed down from one generation to the next
The next generation sees us acting out these vows and they form their own vows of loyalty and so on, which is another reason why we see families repeating financial and relationship patterns, no matter how educated they are.
I am not even going to go into vows of rebellion (and how that can turn some children into abusers) and the #GodWound (how that can literally block all expansion) because it’s a lot.
Vicarious trauma is real.
Children who grow up seeing parents being abused or being abusive are deeply impacted by this abuse and even the best education in the world doesn't prevent the impact of trauma and how it rewires our nervous system.
This will make it easier for kids to live their lives and can help in the process of releasing their vow of loyalty and God Wound.
This is part of the work that I teach in the #MoneyMagic course. A part of the work I do is helping people regulate their nervous systems and release various vows they have made in this life and other lifetimes. If this is resonating with you and you feel ready to start healing yourself and healing money trauma, then sign up for the #MoneyMagic course/ get on the waiting list at this link: wealthy-money.com/moneymagic
