How Financial Trauma Affects Our Finances

At least 80% of my financial life and my relationship with money has been influenced by events in my teen years.

When I was 13, my mom’s fancy car (she had 2 cars) got repossessed because she had an outstanding bill of R2000/ US$150 that she couldn’t pay.

She was only left with 1 installment and she couldn’t pay it.

This was the first time I realized that my mother was running out of money.

It was also the first time I became aware that money could run out and that felt strange to me.

My mom had spent most of her life making sure that we never wanted for anything, so up until this point, I didn’t know that a person could run out of money.

The trauma of watching my mom lose her car has stayed with me and has influenced the way I buy cars.

I’ve owned several cars in several different countries and have always bought all my cars cash.

I paid cash for all my cars, even when I was drowning in debt.

It’s never crossed my mind to buy a car any other way, in fact, the thought of having a car installment sends me into a state of panic.

In a crazy way, I feel like the trauma of this memory has had a positive impact on one aspect of my finances.

The second time I realized my mom was running out of money, was also the time, I learned that we had no money left

In this memory, I am still 13, my mom’s fancy car had been repossessed, so we had to use her old run down van to get to school.

On the way to school, the car broke down and I could feel mom’s panic.

She’d moved to Johannesburg from the village so we could have access to better schools and she didn’t know anyone except her family, in this city. And she didn't have money to call a tow truck or anyone for that matter.

So she started flagging cars down and asking strangers to help us, so she could get me to school.

I can still sense the panic my mother felt, when she spoke about needing a mechanic and not having money to pay the mechanic and still get me to school.

In that moment, I remember feeling terrified about not having money, and also feeling bad for my mother, that I made a vow of loyalty to her.

I made a vow not to abandon my mother to her pain.

I decided I would never ask for anything, I would erase all my desires if they had anything to do with money, so I didn’t stress my mother.

I promised myself not to talk about money because I didn’t want to stress my mom.

I also made a decision not to trust money, because money runs out. I felt betrayed by money and decided that the only way to avoid being hurt by money is to never need money.

How trauma affects our finances

The entire incident of the car breaking down, shaped my relationship with money.

That financial trauma, taught me to reject money before money rejects me by running out.

When I started earning money as an adult, I never felt like I had enough money and would constantly spend money as soon as I earned it because I needed to reject money by getting rid of it.

And I did.

I couldn’t trust money, so no matter how many plans I made to start earning more money or build an investment, nothing would come to pass.

I would play affirmations about having more money in my sleep and would wake up in a panic and half crazed at the idea of having money.

Part of me also felt like becoming financially free was a betrayal to my mother who had struggled so much with money.

I felt like my success would invalidate that experience that my mother and I had had that day and it felt wrong.

So I blocked myself from making more money, I couldn’t earn money in my business, I couldn’t get a proper job that paid me a proper salary and I couldn’t save money.

I also couldn’t talk about money with clients, with employers, with anyone really.

I was a financial disaster.

When I started healing these two memories from my teens and releasing the vows and decisions I had made about money in those moments (we do this in depth in the #MoneyMagic course), I saw a shift in my relationship with money.

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