All in Relationship dynamics and money
In 2020 a woman on Twitter shared that she was the sole breadwinner in her marriage but was shutting down her successful company that employed 15 people, because her UNEMPLOYED husband wanted her to, because he didn't feel like he could look after their toddler.
Lately I've been reflecting on how creating a consistent stream of income that incorporates ease and aligns with my vision and lifestyle adds value to those around me.
The only difference with this show and some of our family dynamics is that Tinder Swindler is about romance and fraud and of course the amounts are on a large scale. But truth is – people get into debt for family members and to support family members/ friends who are able to do for themselves.
So how does this happen and how is Tinder Swindler doing this?
One of the things I’ve had to stop myself from doing is mothering my mother as both of us get older.
I’ve had to sit with my guilt about how my life is evolving and this feeling that I need to pay my mother back for all the sacrifices she made so I live this life.
My mother never asked me to pay her back.
And part of me knows that this wouldn't be giving, it would be paying my mother back.
Sometimes, we take on financial responsibility no one asked us to take on.
We take it on ourselves and usually it's linked to our mothers and it's tied to the mother wound.
We can sometimes find ourselves feeling guilty the more successful we get and we don't know how to handle that guilt, so we give financially to our mothers.
We give financially, not because we want to, but because we feel guilty because we feel like we owe our mothers.
I used to spend hours chanting (I was Nichiren Buddhist) just to pay rent.
The bigger my goal, the longer I used to chant. I'd host 10 hour chanting marathons because I believed a bigger goal took more time to achieve and I needed to chant for longer periods of time for the Universe/ Source/ God to hear my prayer and give to me.
I grew up seing my mom and aunts behave in the same way - they'd pray longer and harder when there was a big goal to achieve.
I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness and boundaries.
A few weeks ago I did the meditation on memories about money and had a past life memory.
It’s a memory I’ve had many times before in my past life regression sessions, where I saw my mother kill me. She was a soldier in that life and I was the wife of a man who was plotting treason and when the soldiers came looking for the man they found me.
My sister was my son in that lifetime and I had hid him (my son) in the shed so he could be safe.
In the meditation I flashed to this memory and I saw how right before I died I made a vow to avenge myself and avenge that killing.
This was a light bulb moment for me because I finally understood why my inner child at the age 4 was obsessed with vengeance, especially when it came to my mom.
The first time I ever flashed to this memory, a few years ago, I kept going back and forth between that past life memory and this life time.
